This morning, Melanie and I got onto the topic of waiting.
She admitted she was struggling over not seeing me healed from the stroke that hit me 22 months ago. She was getting tired of waiting. Later in the morning she wrote out her struggles at her blog.
I was interested to hear about her struggle with waiting because it was quite similar to mine. Hearing her describe her battle lines solidified my perception of a battle that had been going on in my mind for awhile.
I had noticed that a good many of my conversations with the Lord had been going in the direction of “I used to do this or that for you, Lord, and I would be happy to do that again even more enthusiastically now!” Those conversations were breaking down more and more often as the Lord seemed to be saying back to me, “Are you doing what I want you to do now in this new season of your life?”
I found myself perplexed. Like, You want me to do something different? Something new?
I am not able to fill my days in the way I used to. I am forced to spend the hours of the day (and night) differently now. The differences were not a surprise to the Lord, were they? They were only a surprise to me. The learning curve was all mine. God surely was not asking me to do anything now that I was unable to do. And if I was doing what He asked, what else was there that needed doing or was worth doing? Maybe the real waiting right now was being done by the Lord, waiting for me to get it?? I have written elsewhere about spiritual opportunities that would not have come to us if our circumstances were not what they are. Do I think those have been accidents outside of God’s intentions for me?
Not that I think I should stop asking for healing, nor will I stop. Ask, seek, knock, and the door will be opened, Jesus said (Luke 11:9). But while I wait for that door to open, I do need to recognize what God is already doing. He is building His kingdom, not mine. It will be worth the wait to see the day when that work is complete.