A prayer fell out of my mouth: I want to feel better than this.
We were home from church. I had just worked for an hour on swallowing five or six bites of hash brown potatoes and half a bottle of the nutritional glop that Melanie has been pouring down my feeding tube. (It tastes good, by the way.) Yes, it took a full hour. My throat muscles were tired just from the effort to swallow. I was, in fact, sweating. I was slowly making my way around the living room on the way to the bedroom to take a Sunday nap. The prayer fell out of my mouth without me even thinking about it. I haven’t prayed those words before, in nearly 8 months.
One of the first thoughts that flashed through my mind was of the many others we know and are praying for, who must also be tired of their sickness and brokenness. They must also want to feel better, Lord. Lord have mercy on all of them. And I still want to feel better myself, too.
The next thought that flashed through my mind had to be only from satan. If I just felt less dizzy, or only a little less tired, God could say He had answered my prayer! It would be a cheap joke, a cruel joke. But all I was asking was to feel better, right? And a little better would be better, right!?
Though I told the devil to shut up, the taunt echoed in my mind as I lay down. I wondered if anyone else has heard those same taunts while laying on their sick bed? I would not be surprised.
Lord, You know that I mean I want to be ALL better, don’t you? I can’t begin to spell out all the details. I don’t have to do that, do I?
As we ate our lunch together, Melanie had mentioned one of the promises she has been holding on to from Matthew 7:9ff. Who is there among you, who, if his son asks him for bread, will give him a stone?…how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!
God does not play mean jokes on us with our prayers. I believe that. Thank you for taking pity on us, Heavenly Father, and showing mercy. Thank you for doing more than we can ask, and doing it before we DO ask.
Several dear church family friends took time to talk with Melanie this morning, she tells me. Over and over they told her they read her daily reports at her blog and at Facebook and then pray for us.
How to say thank you for all those prayers and intercessions?? I don’t know. But keep praying, please. I want to feel better. I want to be completely well. And I want the same for all who are suffering today.
Heavenly Father, give us the Bread of healing, Bread of mercy, Bread of hope today. You have already sent Jesus to bear the stripes by which we are to be healed. Thank you, Jesus. Thank you, Heavenly Father. May your will be done for us, today and always. But I am asking today, too, for this specifically: I want to be well.