I feel weak and tired. The exercises recommended to me keep piling up and doing them makes me feel more tired. It is hard to get any sense of them helping me even though the therapists usually explain their reason and they make sense. It’s just hard to remember all the reasons when I am feeling so tired.
And I’m growing older. I suspect I’ll never not feel tired again. I thought my final years would be ones of great, active service. I am not so sure I will be able, or allowed, to spend my time that way now. You have allowed a change to come to my life. I understand You have control and the final say in Your plans. But I am surprised. And confused, by this change. And tired.
I realize now how many people I know are facing the same reality. I feel worst about the way the changes in my life affect my beloved wife. I can’t help what I am doing to her by way of adding to her burdens and tiring her. Please reward her and refresh her in body, mind and spirit. Thank You for giving her to me to walk with me in this season. Thank You.
Teach me how to let Your Name be glorified even before any of my cries for healing are to be answered. You must increase, in all ways. Clearly I am decreasing and that is what was always my life destiny, even though I rarely gave it a thought. Thank You that You have not left me without provision, or company, or prayer partners. Help me to express my thanks to Your servants and may I be some kind of a blessing to them as they serve You in Your Kingdom.
Help me to keep my mind on You, and to know Your peace past any understanding. Help me rest in ways that allow You to receive credit for Your ownership of my life.
I want to be healed. I want to be able to talk clearly about what You have done for me. I want to be able to once again receive Your Gifts in Holy Communion. I want to be able to sit down to a shared meal with Melanie again. I want to be able to stand up and not fall over, to walk safely around Your Altar and not fall over.
I want to have back what I so recently thought of as “my life.”
Except I realize it was not my life. You made it and gave it to me. You paid for all my sins to be forgiven. You had a purpose and place set out for me to fill, a place in Your Kingdom, a kingdom in which it is only right that Your Will be done. First. Completely. Period.
Amen. And help me to say the Amen, Lord. Because the brokenness of my body has left me weak and tired. I don’t forget that You heal all my diseases. You bore stripes, deeply, painfully, so that I could know complete healing. I don’t want Your suffering to be of no value or effect. Lord, heal me and make me well.
Do so in a way that glorifies Your Name, first and foremost. I do pray it with all the honesty and faith and hope that I know how to offer,
In Jesus Name.